Negotiating Custody Yourself
This sounds like a good idea, right? You are smart, you know your spouse or significant other. You don’t 
want to spend any money or don’t have money to spend on an attorney. So why wouldn’t you just go to a mediator or decide to start negotiating custody yourself?
Well, here are some reasons to ponder regarding your ability to successfully negotiate.
-
Do you realize that when you settle certain matters, once it is in a court order, you cannot just go back and change something that no longer works or that you no longer want or because you didn’t understand something or did not get legal counsel. So many think I can “fix it” later. Well you cannot without meeting certain legal standards which are difficult.
-
Are you aware that the order will not change just because your child gets older and does not want to do it anymore. In NYS there is no age where a child decides–just the opposite. I have actually had a hearing where the child was 17 years old, because one side would not agree.
-
Do you understand each and every possibility that exists today regarding your parenting situation. There are some very creative ways to address issues.
-
Have you planned for what it looks like in 5 years, the issues and lifestyle.
-
Do you have the knowledge and ability to put things in an order that would allow for modifications later, and no— you cannot just put in that you will modify it. That does not always work with the overtaxed courts.
I have been a practicing Family Law Attorney for over 30 years. I have successfully represented fathers, mothers, and children. I offer a free initial consultation so give me a call or email before you decide to negotiate the most important thing in your life alone.
Virtual Court Proceedings
COURT IS OPEN!
In an effort to try and get non-essential matters before the Court, New York State Chief Judge has stated the following:
Beginning April 13th Judges are authorized to schedule conferences at the request of attorneys and can be available during normal court hours to address discovery disputes and other ad hoc concerns. Judges have also been urged to decide fully submitted motions.
These appearances will be virtual and by skpe or phone and may be conferences with attorneys only. We will have to see what the instructions will be from the Administrative Judge in each District.
If you have matters of concern, it is time to prepare the motions and get them before the Court and see what they will schedule. Contact an experienced attorney who has not stopped working since this Coronavirus outbreak began and has been working for and with clients and successfully getting court interevention when possible. Give me a call 315 622 5202 or email staceybalduf@gmail.com
LAWYERS AND THE CORONAVIRUS
These are some very difficult times during this Coronavirus for the people I work with and for. Many of you are calling about parenting time that is going badly, children that are being exposed to potential virus or other inappropriate and risky circumstances. 
Some of you need money to get by that is currently not coming in.
Some of you need to have an Order of Protection to stay safe.
Many of you see spouses dissipating assets that you will never retrieve.
I can no longer tell you exactly what the steps are for court intervention or tell you for sure you will get heard however, what I can tell you is that since this Emergency has been put into place I have had a matrimonial Order to Show Cause, signed by a Judge (it took quite a bit of persistence) and three Orders of Protection granted, one which even limited parenting time (supervised).
I have also spoken with and met directly with people at the courthouse who have given me additional insight as to what steps to take to continue my representation of my client’s interest.
Beware of the attorneys out there who are in need of revenue and they will tell you whatever you want to hear so that you pay them—I am not one of those attorneys. You will always get the straight story from me.
If you need help, give me a call, it is free.
Remember, much of what we do does not involve court for quite some time, now is a really good time to come in (or have a phone conference) and make a plan for divorce.
DON’T OVERPAY FOR LEGAL FEES!
Not all attorneys have the same experience.
Not all attorneys have the abilities.
Not all attorneys respond to client’s promptly.
AND ATTORNEYS DO NOT ALL CHARGE THE SAME FOR THE SAME WORK!!!!
What does this mean for you?
-
READ
-
Read over the family court or matrimonial retainer agreement they give you very By the way, they must have a written retainer agreement for you to review. Take it home and review it prior to going to the office and signing, to make sure you understand it.
-
ASK THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS:
-
Do you charge a nonrefundable retainer regarding your legal fees? Do not be fooled, not all attorneys charge this. It means you are paying a minimum amount whether or not the attorney has to work for it. So, if you settle with two hours work you still may pay for 8 or 10 etc. work not done. I do not charge a nonrefundable retainer. You are only charged for work done.
-
Do you get back retainer funds not used regareding your legal fees? You might be surprised to learn many attorneys have a minimum amount no matter what work is done? You get back any retainer money that remains when my work is done. Again, you only are charged for work done.
-
Do you charge a minimum hourly fee for legal fees? Does the attorney charge you a minimum fee or for the actual time spent on your matter. This can add up to hundreds or even thousands of dollars. There is never a minimum hourly fee for court or anything else. Again, you are only charged for work done.
-
What is your retainer amount fregarind legal fees? What is your hourly rate? This is the amount of money that the lawyer gets up front before they begin work. Some attorneys have a lower initial retainer amount however the hourly rate is so much higher than other attorneys that this retainer is used up really quickly and you are asked for MORE money sooner than with attorneys how charge a lower hourly rate. THE HOURLY RATE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR. My hourly rate AND retainer are a reasonable amount given the area and economy and I try to work with clients.
-
UNDERSTAND:
-
That the amount of money your attorney charges for legal fees is NOT a sign of their ability. Some of us believe that everyone is entitled to experienced and dedicated representation, not only the wealthy.
-
That even if your spouse will have to contribute toward your legal fees, they seldom are ordered to pay the whole amount and often if your attorney charges more that the “going rate” the courts take that into consideration when awarding fees for the other side to pay. What does this mean for you: YOU COULD OWE THE ATTORNEY MORE MONEY THAN YOU EXPECTED.
Child’s Therapist- Legal System
I often have parents who tell me that their child’s therapist supports their position and insist that I tell the Court and the Attorney for the Child to be sure and take that position into consideration before rendering a recommendation, position or decision.
For over 30 years, with NO exception, therapists are seldom the supportive expert that my clients believe them to be.
This is not to say that a good therapist is not helpful. They can be:
-
They can help the child understand and deal with the custody arrangement. Including one they may not like.
-
They can offer therapeutic sessions between parties.
-
They can work with parties to develop a parenting schedule.
But don’t be fooled. This seldom results in their being a very good witness for you if things break down.
My clients do not believe me when I explain to them that therapist generally:
-
Treat the child and do not want to damage the therapist relationship by getting involved in the court proceeding.
-
Cannot be an expert for parenting plans as they have not done formal evaluations for that purpose or spent enough time with all parties.
-
Are not willing or able to offer a professional opinion as an expert.
-
If testify, often rendering something supportive comment regarding the opposing parent. Therapists are generally all about both parents having a relationship, not winning a legal case.
It is also VERY important to note that the therapist does not disclose to the parent all that they learn or know. I often have therapists who disagree with my client’s position, however, do not feel it is helpful to discuss that with the client as it does not further the treatment of their client. The takeaway here: YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE THERAPIST IS TRULY THINKING!!!!
Recently I sent the following email to a child’s therapist. I did so as I had a client who insisted that I had to make the Attorney for the Child and Court understand that her child was being detrimentally affected by Dad’s behavior and that the therapist couldn’t wait to tell everyone that on behalf of the child. This is how it went…
Dr. ________: Can you please clarify some points for me.
Are you able to testify as to the following if needed:
Do you have a professional opinion as to what is best for a custody situation or parenting time.
Do you have a professional opinion as to whether your client is being influenced by either party or by their behavior as to his desire to live with Mom.
Do you have a professional opinion as to any negative effects the current parenting schedule would or does have on your client.
Please feel free to add anything else you believe relevant or important for me to know. I look forward to talking with you next week. Thank you.
Response:
Hi
I am not in a position to testify or provide opinion as to any of those items.
When first meeting with my client, the purpose was to function as my client’s treating therapist, with no role in custody or parenting plan determinations. I intend to maintain that role, so any information I provide would be factual and likely redundant.
Thank you,
Should I Hire a Father’s Rights Attorney?
IS A FATHER’S RIGHTS ATTORNEY A REAL THING?
Just for the record, there is no formal training or certification for being what is referred to by some as a “Father’s Rights Attorney”. When used it is simply a label a lawyer gives themselves to induce men to hire them.
Ask yourself what does a “Father’s Rights Attorney” bring to the table?
-
A single- minded approach that is often lacking in a true understanding of the “other side”. Having a clear and experienced understanding of the position of the opposing party is critical to the successful strategy for your case. When the attorney is experienced enough to have successful outcomes against fathers, that experience is then used to a father’s advantage when they represent fathers.
-
Limited experience and often argue father favorable positions, even if the facts don’t support the request. What does this mean? I have had a “Father’s Rights Attorney” insist on a hearing because the Father was entitled to physical custody. It is important to note that the Father worked 5pm to 3am Monday through Friday, out of state, as a truck driver. The hearing was held and the Father received less time than was offered as a settlement. Yes, the Father got heard. Yes, the attorney made a dramatic argument about Fathers. But in the end the outcome looked at the facts. The attorney got paid, the Father got screwed.
-
A false sense of what can be accomplished. Many “Father’s Rights Attorneys” make promises that just can’t be kept, and then blame the negative outcome on the system or the Court. The attorney gets paid regardless of the outcome.
What is the take away here? Don’t be fooled. Pick your lawyer because they are experienced and are willing to tell you the bad with the good. When able, talk to a lawyer who is recommended by someone you respect.
SHOULD I MODIFY THE CUSTODY ARRANGMENT
J
