Am I a Victim of Emotional Abuse?

Am I a Victim of Emotional Abuse?  abuse

I have some good news and some bad news regarding emotional abuse.  The bad news is that if you have been emotionally or physically abused by your partner/spouse the Divorce Courts seldom if ever punish for this treatment.  The good news—you don’t have to establish abuse to dump the jerk and get everything you are entitled to!!!

Is this your life?

Has your partner manipulated you into believing that you are: stupid, forgetful, crazy, to blame for anything and everything upsetting?

Do you second-guess yourself in ways you never did before you were with this person?

Nearly one-quarter of women in the U.S. are victims of severe physical violence at the hands of their partners at some point in their lives, but nearly twice as many endure psychological aggression, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey.

Do you feel dependent, disempowered and trapped?

Financial abuse is such an effective form of control that most abusers employ it in one way or another.

Money Moves that Will Protect All Women

  1. Maintain Full Access to all credit cards, bank accounts, statements etc. Getting an “allowance” implies a power differential.  Insist that cards and accounts have your name as an authorized user.  Refuse to sign tax returns without a written copy for your personal file. Remember, just because you “only sign it” does not prevent you from being liable to whatever is in the return.  The first time this is unacceptable to your partner should be a warning sign to you….

  2. Make all decisions regarding spending and saving jointly. Don’t let anyone tell you that because you didn’t earn the money that you have no say in how it is saved or spent.

  3. Get a credit card solely in your name versus being an additional user on your husband’s account. Use the card now and then and always pay on time.  It is important to establish credit of your own.

  4. Know all the social security numbers, something solved by getting a copy of the tax return. Keep a copy of any and all important looking documents.  If possible, scan them into a computer and keep a back up drive or secured cloud storage.

What are signs of abuse:

 -Your partner is limiting your access to money and credit cards.

-Your partner closely monitors or restricts your spending

-You have become anxious about how your partner will reach to everyday expenses like groceries, gas or doctor visits.

In New York State it is helpful to be aware of a few empowering facts: 

  • Whatever is earned, saved or accrued during the marriage belongs to BOTH of you. It does not matter whose name is on it or who “earned it”.

  • Whatever is owed by either or both parties are owed by both. The debt belongs to BOTH of you.  It again, does seldom matters whose name is on the debt or who charges it up.

  • If the income or incomes fit the parameters all you have to do is, ASK for attorney fee contribution or alimony/maintenance. There is no real defense to this request.  It is NOT affected generally by any behavior; it is almost strictly monetary.

The underlying goal of all abuse is the same:  to gain and maintain power and control. However, with the right support and legal representation you can break that hold.