Staying Child Centered

Staying CHILD CENTERED is not as easy as one would think.  For almost 30 years I have represented parents, grandparents, children and even myself in divorce and Family Law matters and putting our children first takes real work and constant attention. 

Why this is so important: 

First, because statements and facts that are not child centered are seldom going to help you in your custody matter.  The Court and the attorney for your imageschild/children are not looking at your custody matter through the eyes of a parent.  This is crucial to understand.  This must be factored into your legal strategy for you to work toward a final resolution that is best for your children. 

Finally and probably of the most inportance, because staying child centered is best for your children who mean so much to you.

Even people who love their children very much will tell the Court and attorneys the following.  Note the example of the Parent Statement and then note the suggested Child Centered Statement. Of course, below assuming for this Blog that there are no safety or welfare issues regarding custody.

PARENT STATEMENT:  I can’t go more than one day without seeing my child.

CHILD CENTERED STATEMENT: I will miss my child but given her age, school and activities my child may not want to bounce from house to house very day, so how about a schedule where we have parenting time clumped a little more together.

PARENT STATEMENT:  Mom or Dad won’t work with me.

CHILD CENTERED STATEMENT:  How might I behave differently so that Mom or Dad is willing to consider what I am saying, how do I frame it as something for our child and not something for me.

PARENT STATEMENT:  I am the only parent who has ever done anything for my child.

CHILD CENTERED STATEMENT:  I have always been there for my child.  I will always be there for my child, however, since the Court is going to make me allow the other parent to be part of our child’s life and provide them with parenting time, how can I make this go as well as possible for my child.

PARENT STATEMENT:  My ex is always saying something bad about me to my kids.

CHILD CENTERED STATEMENT:  My ex is difficult however, I am not going to “defend” myself with my children, because they are my children and a conversation like that will stress them and not be in their best interest.

PARENT STATEMENT:  My kids are spending time with my ex’s family and significant other and not with him or her.

CHILD CENTERED STATEMENT:  My kids are spending time with my ex’s family and significant other and I am glad they are surrounded by people who want to spend time with them.